Sorry in advance, this is long and I know it's probably a stupid thing to be upset about. She was born January 29, so she's 3 weeks and 1 day today. I'm going to keep saying it in weeks and not months because the weeks are the whole argument here.
Setup so nobody has to ask: EBF, feeding every 2 to 2.5 hours around the clock, wake windows are 45-60 minutes and then she's cooked. Room is 69F. She's in a bassinet right next to my side of the bed, velcro swaddle, arms in, white noise the whole time, nothing in there with her. Hasn't rolled, obviously. I have read the AAP page so many times I could recite it. I'm not doing anything unsafe! I wanted that on the record before the rest.
She naps 20 minutes in the bassinet. Twenty. I've timed it enough that I can call it now, I set her down, she's out, and at minute 18 her hands come up. On my chest she sleeps 90 minutes to two hours, sometimes more. So during the day I hold her. I sit on the couch with a burp cloth on my shoulder and my phone in one hand and she contact naps on me and that is the whole day. That's it. That's what I do now.
My mother-in-law came Sunday. She was here about four hours. In that time she said, and I'm not paraphrasing because I've replayed it enough:
"You know you're creating a habit."
"She'll never learn to go down on her own if she's never put down."
And then, to my husband, in the kitchen, not quietly: "I put you boys down awake in the crib and you were fine. She's setting herself up."
Then she offered to take her so I could shower, and when I said she'd probably wake up, she said "well, good."
Ok so this is the bit I can't get past. I don't think she's right! I've read enough to be fairly sure a 3 week old can't form a habit in the way she means. But I sat there and I didn't say any of it, and now it's Thursday and I'm still sitting on the couch with her asleep on me and I feel like I'm getting away with something. Like at some point a bill comes due for this and it's going to be my fault.
I keep opening my phone and typing "how long can you contact nap before it's a problem" and every answer is somebody's opinion. Taking Cara Babies says one thing, my pediatrician's handout says put her down drowsy but awake, my MIL says I'm ruining her, and she is 22 days old and warm and asleep on me and it is the only part of my day that doesn't feel like drowning.
So I guess I'm not really asking about naps. I think I'm asking whether I'm allowed to do this. Which is a ridiculous thing to ask strangers. Sorry!
I've been sitting on this one because I wanted to ask something rather than pile on, and I keep coming back to the same line: "it is the only part of my day that doesn't feel like drowning."
That's the sentence, Danielle. Not the twenty minutes, not the wake windows. You buried the actual thing in the last paragraph and apologized for it.
So my question isn't about naps. What does the rest of the day look like? Contact napping a 3 week old is not a problem, it's the default state of a mammal. But "drowning" is a word you used...
He's hearing it now. He wasn't, and then I made him sit down last night and I read him the kitchen quote back word for word and he went very quiet and said "she said that twice actually, the other time you were in the bathroom." So that was a night!
The rest of the day is bad. I'll be honest since you asked directly. I eat standing up. I haven't left the house in nine days except to take the trash out. His mother is the only person who's been over since we came home, which I hadn't actually put...
STM, pregnant with my second and due mid-April, so I'm about to do all of this again with a 2 year old climbing on me, and I've been thinking about your post for an hour.
My mother-in-law's version was "he's using you as a pacifier." First baby, I was maybe 5 weeks pp. And the thing I'd tell you is that I did what you're not doing. I listened! I put him down drowsy but awake because a handout said those four words and I thought they were instructions. He screamed, I picked him up, I felt like a failure for...
Twenty-two days. That number is doing all the work in this post and I think you already know it.
My LO is 11 months. I contact napped her for the entire first four months and I mean entire, I did not put her down for a daytime nap once until she was about 18 weeks. My own mother said a version of the same sentence to me at maybe six weeks. Different words, same sentence.
Honest reporting from the other side, and it isn't a promise, it's just my one data point. She sleeps in her crib now. She has since about...
"She doesn't know she's a separate object from you yet." I read that and my eyes went and she's still on me so I can't even wipe my face properly.
Can I ask the thing I'm actually scared of. The 18 weeks... did you do something at 18 weeks or did it just happen? Because in my head there's a door that closes at some point and if I'm still holding her when it closes then I've done it, that's the mistake, that's the thing I can't undo. My MIL didn't say that out loud but it's what I heard.
And I...
Nothing happened at 18 weeks. I didn't do a thing. Saying that as plainly as I can, because I think you're looking for the technique and there wasn't one.
What actually happened is she got heavy and I got hot and she started rolling toward the couch cushion, and one afternoon I put her down mid-nap because my arm was numb and she stayed asleep for 40 minutes. That's it. That's the whole story. I didn't earn it and I didn't schedule it.
There is no door. I know that's the thing you want a source for and I don't have one,...